Preparing to meet someone for the first time can be scary enough, but what if there’s a possibility of them being “the one?” How do you make sure you’re starting both your friendship and any possible romantic relationship off on the right foot? Making a great first impression is of course on the top of our list, but when it comes to being open, honest, and transparent in your relationship, there’s a tricky line you don’t want to cross. You also want to make sure that you’re setting realistic expectations and a nice pace that you both feel comfortable with right from the beginning.
You may be familiar with the tips and tricks we shared in a previous blog all about how to master your first impression. But there are a few other things we need to point out to make sure you’re putting your best foot forward. For starters, pick out your favorite or best dress, shirt or pants, however this also depends on where the date is taking place. If you’re meeting at a park for a hike, we highly don’t recommend wearing your best dress! But, regardless of location or activity, we do recommend taking the time to brush your hair, trim your beard, or freshen up your nail polish if it’s chipping.
Arriving on time is not only respectful and appropriate for any social situation, but it also shows that this date is a priority and you’ve made real time for the person you are about to meet. If you’re running late for reasons beyond your control, like traffic for instance, giving your date a heads up is encouraged. However, once you arrive your should put your phone on silent or keep it in your purse. This lets you engage in conversation and be totally present for your date! And this brings us to our last point, holding a conversation that holds both your attention spans. This means asking questions instead of talking all about yourself, or skipping the stock market talk if they’re clearly uninterested.
Transparency and past relationships
Finding a balance between being open and honest and sharing all of your dark secrets can be hard. Especially if there is still recent heartbreak you are still moving on from and feel necessary to share. But ask yourself, how much is too much for the beginning of a relationship? Does your date need to know that you have kids? It might be nice to share during the course of your date, but it doesn’t need to be the first thing to fly out of your mouth. How about disclosing you have a crazy ex? That most likely isn’t a safe topic for a first date.
To start, leave your past relationships in the past and save your not so great childhood memories for when your relationship is more established. However, it is okay to be up front and lightly discuss topics such as children, divorce, or even your job. The best way to approach these topics isn’t black and white either. Try to naturally disclose the fact that you are recently divorced rather than making it a defining part of who you are.
Setting the right pace
If you’re not ready for a serious relationship just yet, let alone eager to jump on an airplane and elope in Vegas next week, make sure that’s clear by your romantic gestures, date activities, and intimacy level. Is it necessary to send 100 red roses to their office the morning after your first date? Unless it went exceptionally well and your date might expect it, I would save that for next Valentine’s Day. How often do you plan on going out on fancy dates versus dining in or ordering a pizza on a Friday night? If you set the pace from the beginning and create a balance between setting up surprises and fancy dinners with home cooked meals or quiet nights in, you’ll be setting an expectation for the course of your relationship. Of course we want to whoo our dates and impress them in the beginning of a new relationship, but we also don’t want to over do it and create unrealistic or false assumptions of ourselves in doing so, or even worse, scare them away. The bottom line is to stay authentic to your true self!
First impressions, transparency, and setting a steady comfortable pace in a new relationship aren’t easy answers you can find simply from reading a blog. However, we can give you a little guidance so you can do what feels natural to you. For more personalized tips and tricks, you can always call The Love Brokers!